photo credit: Valerie Weiners and print available at www.valerieweinersart.com
So I heard somebody say one time, “you can’t control who knocks at the door, but you can control how long you entertain them.” And for the most part, it’s true. We can let visitors in…not let them in…sit down and have coffee with them…or tell them we are busy and it’s time for them to go home. But there’s really nothing, short of a restraining order or a fence, to keep them from knocking.
And the same with our thoughts…
It would be cool if we could put up an “awesomeness” fence. Only amazingly wonderful thoughts would be allowed to pass through, and all the negative junk would be filtered out. But I have found no such “awesomeness” fence, and I’m betting you haven’t either…so for now, all kinds of thoughts will continue to knock. Thoughts from the past, worries about the future, judgements about the present…things rational and irrational…they all have the power to knock away.
So what do we do? There’s some power in evaluating the validity of the thought and then correcting it to a more rational way of thinking. For example, if I am telling myself I am unloveable, I will remind myself of all the reasons I might be worth loving and the people who love me. It works for me sometimes, and it works for some people most of the time. I like to try it as a first line defense, but often it ends in me beating myself up for having a weird irrational thought in the first place.
knock…knock…knock…
So what if we try to distract ourselves from the thought? Just let the knocking go on and on and on and busy ourselves with something else, hoping it will go away. But the visitor rarely leaves. Knocking just gets loader and loader until it overrides everything else and demands your attention. At that point you’ve made the thought angry and once you let it in the door, well it runs a muck and has a hay day!
And so here is what I have found works best for me, and maybe it will work for you…
I let the thought in the door, look at it, and just let it be what it is without judging. In fact, I try to have compassion. I notice where it came from, and chances are, it traveled a rough journey and came from a pretty difficult place. I appreciate the thought, because sometimes it’s hurting, and hurt just needs to be allowed to hurt. I don’t make it bigger, or smaller…I just let it be the size that it is…and then comes the fun part…
I choose to realize that just because a visitor is in my house (mind), I don’t have to drop the rest of my life and focus on it completely. I can pay attention to the present moment – the life that exists all around me outside the corridors of my mind.
If I am drinking coffee, I can notice the warmth of the cup on my hand or take in the fullness of it’s smell. If I am walking my dog, I can choose to notice the leaves or the feeling of the wind against my skin, or even the feeling of my feet as they hit the pavement. Because there is so much more we can attend to than our thoughts…we don’t have to shove them out the door…but we don’t have to let them run the show either…
Example…the thought I am unloveable might come knocking. My past reaction would be to cry, sulk, and tell myself all the reasons I shouldn’t have that thought and how jacked up I am because I can’t get it to go away.
But I have a choice.
Instead, when the visitor knocks, I can let it in, notice it, and simultaneously notice the present moment. Like the feeling of my daughter snuggling with me on the couch and the warmth of the fuzzy blanket. I can start talking to her and really focus on what she is saying. And then the best part happens, unlovable seems to shrink without me trying to push it away, and I feel loved without even trying (and the best part is, because I got out of my head and into the reality in front of me, my daughter feels loved and valued too).
So you can’t control who knocks. You know Biblical truth. You know what God says about you. You know your positive truths. But sometimes the junk comes to visit anyway. And maybe that is just okay. But we don’t have to let it stay. We can get out of our minds and focus on the reality in front of us, and the more space we give to the present, the mental ick will melt away.
And speaking of engaging with the present moment…why not let yourself engage with this truth for just a few moments…