Confidence is my super hero outfit. I feel like it should have a gigantic “C” emblem and all kinds of special features. I put it on daily and suddenly every decision I make will be perfect and right, as long as I keep wearing confidence, right? Or is it right?
It disturbed me at first to have this thought, but here it is anyways. I do not have confidence in my own abilities. Scary thought, right? It sounds really self defeating, but hang with me. Because here’s the thing. Even with all the confidence in the world, we still run the risk of making mistakes.
Like it or not.
No matter how hard we try, how much we study, how long we stew, or how much wisdom we seek. There will be a time and a place where we will make the wrong call. And that’s just freaking impossible for me to accept unless I believe at the very core of my innermost being that I/we are not in charge – but God is.
He has to be sovereign. We have to believe that His power is greater than our biggest weakness. Because if we don’t, why have faith in the first place?
I believe He is bigger than myself. And because I believe He is bigger than myself, I know when I fail – God can and will pick up where I left off. He leaves nothing undone. His timing may not look like mine, but in the end, He always wins. Always.
So I don’t like messing up. I don’t. And I’m betting you don’t either. And we have this unreasonable expectation that we shouldn’t, or won’t mess up, or that if we do, all the negative things we once believed about ourselves now have evidence of truth.
But mistakes are bound to happen sooner or later, especially in the line of work I do. Not one of us can predict or perform with 100% accuracy 100% of the time, no matter how hard we try. And so there are two options.
Stop trying, because we might fail, and help no one…or put our whole heart into every step we take and rest at the end of the day knowing we did the best we could with what we had at the time. That is all. Nothing more. Nothing less.
And so this relationship with confidence, at least for me, seems based off reciprocity. We wear it the best we can and it gives us encouragement and authority. We dance back and forth, holding hands and moving in the direction we both feel is right. But at the end of the day, I personally make the choice to lay it down. Because as awesome as confidence is, it must bear witness to the throne of a King who is higher and greater. And so I lay it down trusting God will fill its empty shell with power before I suit up again tomorrow. Because the big “C” is just a letter of the alphabet imprinted on my chest unless God charges it full of things that are way beyond me.
So I have no confidence in myself. Because I have confidence in Christ. And Christ is in me. And as long as we are operating together, I can let the King be King and follow His lead. And I am okay with that. Flesh will fail and trials will come. I will fall. But the one who my confidence rests in will pick me back up and mend the pieces that were shattered. He is King. And even on my worst day, that’s more than okay with me.