I’ve done a good bit of studying when it comes to counseling techniques to use for this or for that. I read scholarly journal articles on at least a weekly basis. I love learning new things. But sometimes I get obsessed with learning new information and forget what is most important.
Research shows 90% of success or failure in counseling is based on the relationship between the therapist and client. Only about 10% is what theory or method the therapist uses.
I don’t know why this surprises me. Because at the core of everything I value is relationship. A relationship so unconditional I could do or say anything and still be completely loved, valued, adored, and set free.
Relationship is the cornerstone of healing because God designed it that way.
Isn’t that amazing news? For you, for me, for everyone. When we don’t know what to say or how to help, the ministry of presence and relationship remains. Modeling the unconditional love and acceptance of Christ is a foolproof method. It helps every single time.
Some of us back away from others who are in pain because it quickens our heart and increases anxiety. Even after years of work in the helping profession, my heart still gets tied up in knots when there is a tremendous amount of hurt. And frankly, I hope it always stays that way. Because the moment I stop letting myself become undone in the presence of another’s wounds is the moment I render myself ineffective.
Relationship demands I let down internal walls and barriers. Relationship pushes past anxiety and says, “It’s tremendously uncomfortable, but I’ll stay with you here. You are not in this alone.” And in those moments there can be a tremendous amount of healing.
And that is what Jesus does for us. Like Hebrews 4 tells us, we do not have a stoic withdrawn High Priest who is unable to empathize. We have a loving Jesus who came to earth so He could feel what we feel and endure what we endure – ultimately to have a relationship with us. He could have remained above our offensive depravity, but instead He jumped into it with us and promised to never leave us alone.
He chose relationship with you so you could choose it with others. Yes it can be scary. You might say the wrong thing. You might shake with uncertainty through the entire process. But if you attach yourself to Christ and do what He has called you to do, you will not fail. You will show love. And someone will know Jesus because of what they see in you.