So I’ve had some time this weekend to really hash through this thing called self care. Not that I wasn’t previously aware of what it is and why it is important. In fact I have taught a few small workshops on the topic. I’ve preached its benefits from the pulpit to the choir. But as we all know, preaching and practicing are two very different things. And not that I haven’t practiced self care at all…I have. But this weekend its importance came full circle in a way that took me completely off guard.
Flashback to Thursday…I woke up from a restless night sweating, sobbing, and gasping for air. A nightmare blending past with present and my story with other stories took me for a long bumpy ride. The kind of journey you don’t embark on voluntarily. The kind that makes you want to vomit out everything inside of you and just start new. At first I thought – oh my gosh – I went to bed, Satan hit me over the head with a 2×4 shit stick, and I might as well just bury myself in a hole and never try to appear sane again. Then friend after friend reminded me of this thing called secondary traumatic stress. Yes I knew the definition, but don’t know if I had experienced a legit bout until now.
And in case you are one of those people like me who has to experience it before you fully believe it – I assure you – it DOES exist!
So I guess the next important question is what did I/what can we learn?
- That knowledge is useless if we don’t apply it.
- That Satan is a nasty little bastard who takes our best intentions of self care and smacks them with guilt and shame until we reach the point of exhaustion.
Let’s think about #2 a little. I once heard a person say if Satan can’t make you bad he will make you busy. I suppose it’s true. If he is unsuccessful in squashing our desire to help…he will use that desire to his advantage. Making us feel so guilty and worthless if we don’t give every second – every ounce of our being – that we spin ourselves into exhaustion. So what’s the answer?
Boundaries.
Simple word. Immensely complicated application. Especially if you are predisposed to feelings of guilt, shame, helplessness, a crap ton of empathy that you can’t help but ooze, or a loosely knit sense of self. And I just described every amazing therapist I know – because to be as amazing as they are they have to be close enough to these concepts to feel and move with the way they exist. And yet have these qualities without boundaries…and we will in fact drown…and maybe even take those we love down with us.
So boundaries. Ya. They don’t just happen. They are intentional.
Jesus knows that. He said you can choose me or choose the world. You can be hot or cold. But lukewarm? I’ll spit you out. Boundaries.
But satan says be loose. You can have your cake and eat it too. You can have everything and all of it- which sounds good until we are fat bloated self ruined cows sitting useless on the side of the road.
Boundaries.
Without them, as Brene Brown says, nothing is sustainable.
So you think satan won’t try and hack into your well planned self care time? You’re wrong. He will get you to bend the rules just a bit here and there in small ways and places until he satisfactorily sits back and watches you break. And the only one that can stop him is you.
A you that listens to God and knows only He is enough. A you that trusts when you are away, God is way better at taking care of his people than you could ever be. A you that says I will be the best I can when I can, but I am useless if I don’t crawl back into the soothing arms of Jesus and get filled up. A you that knows when it’s time to say enough is enough and step away for a break. A you that knows you are not invincible, but leans hard into the one who is.
So self care boundaries. Pray about them. Have them. Use them. And don’t bend them. Then sit back and watch Jesus do His thing. Because maybe in stepping back a bit – you can see His work a bit more clearly.